Bacca

"The woman who has been early accustomed to horse exercise gains a courage and a nerve which it would be difficult to acquire in a more pleasant and healthful manner. She also gains morally in learning to feel a sympathy with the noble animal to whome she is indebted for so much enjoyment, and whose strength and endurance are too often cruelly abused by man. Numerous instances have occured in my experience of the singular influence obtained by ladies over their horses by simple kindness..."

a cool find in the dusty endless severens collection (all the horse books collected over the lifetime of one crazy man... who bought every book he ever encountered that places any emphasis on the horse or related topics)

what a summer. Some things have gone as planned, but for the most part its been an excercise in get-over-failed-plans (of the lucrative nature) and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. Not so wildly exhilerating as some summers, but also not as painful... all in all, it has been VERY good. I'm currently involved in a back-and-forth with a woman through craigslist about a desk... the very last thing my apartment needs to be complete... but even at the start of the summer with limited furniture and nary a wooden spoon to cook with, I've been fantastically happy with my new home and the wonderful people who have filled it. Stepping back into the isolation of constant studying may prove difficult after a summer of rampant socialization, but my body will thank me for it. In addition to coming up short on cash this summer, I've also developed a sleep deficit. on the up side, I'm sleeping fully and deeply every night - a new phenomenon for me...

news on the mouth-front is that tomorrow I start the process of getting bottom teeth... which should be done by the end of september... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I'll be grafting again on dec. 23rd... quite the x-mas present to myself, eh?

Right now I am the primary caregiver for three dogs (two of which are psychotic and one who is dying), two goats, two cats, a fish, a guinea pig, and Quinten... I love all the furry love I get whenever I go back to the house these days!

gah, will this shift ever end? at the library until 8...

the good news? I just won another $2,000 scholarship for school, and I have this amazing new friendship, and I'm having a blast and feeling really fulfilled by the teaching I've been doing recently

the bad? My graft is insufficent so I need another bone graft surgery and I'm feeling crazy again.

where that leaves me? I don't really know.

I'm not going to try to describe the past two weeks... too many little teeny "you had to be there to see it yourself" moments... basically the world is impossibly beautiful sometimes, I've been well entertained in good company and stuffed to the brim.

my summer jobs are falling apart a bit - not as reliable as I'd planned on, but other things are filling in the time and the financial deficit.
generally, I'm not sure how things could be better!

At some point on friday, it was decided that I would host a dinner party at my house. I did not have enough glasses, silverware, or chairs... and my lack of cook-ware was quite embarrassing (though meryl's ingenuity was awesome) but ultimately I provided a bottle of wine, bok choy, oil, lettucy greens, rhubarb sauce, strawberries, and icecream, and yet I also got to eat got peach mango salsa, the best guacamole I've ever tasted, green fried dumplings, amazing salad! Having friends who take over my kitchen and cook me delicious and creative food is FANTASTIC.

Also, it was the first time I've ever had guests at my new place... and I can't think of a better housewarming :)

Lots of playing and socializing this past weekend... and I spent all today puttering in my house and getting things organized... so now I'm itching to pull out my notes and start reviewing the past year... things keep coming up at the barn that make me say "well I knew that for the test but..." not cool. I want to know that what I know I know for real ;)

Life is pretty amazing right now... last night I went out for a walk in my backyard for the first time... I walked out the door into a light drizzle around 8pm, shrugged, and started off up the hill. I walked through knee-high meadow and innoculous clouds of gnats down towards the lake... there were deer popping in here and there... and the sky was fairly divided between a solid blue grey and the marbled sky of a cloud strained golden sunset. Walked partially around the lake in the delicious warm rain, and actually found a path through the meadow to walk back home again. It was so beautiful and perfect that I actually cried... and I felt so internally radient.

Emily Freeman is in MA this week :)

I picked up my CSA share from Nourse farm today: bok choy and swiss chard, lettuce, strawberries, more rhubarb, raddishes, and sweet basil... mmmmmmmm

Back from some serious adventuring... Four days up on punchbowl glacier hiking (which on a glacier apparently includes snowshoeing and scrambles and climbing mountain faces a leeeeetle too vertical droppy for this flatlander's comfort), sledding down mountains (again with vertical, but less terrifying and more crazy fun), log rolling down mountains, x-country skiing, playing with the sled dogs, and hanging out with some of the coolest people I have ever met. AND I got to take a hellicopter ride in and out. helicopters=cool. two days trying to fish on the Deshka river, but the king salmon run is slow this year (as are most other things related to spring in the anchorage area) so we settled for some delicious trout. I learned to shoot and got to lie in sphagnum moss (SO soft!) and generally be woodsy. being on the river was fantastic... I do love boats! and saw a fair bit of wildlife and wildlife "sign". Couple of rainy days inside making about 300 truffles in 7 flavors: cranberry cardamon(dark), mint rosemary(dark), lemmon lavender(white), margherita(white), caramel(dark), amaretto (dark), coconut rum(milk), and then nut clusters with the leftover tempered chocolate. One more day of hiking around (we saw a moose and her calf! cuteness) and a delightful smattering of Jem time, talks, and games througout... then up! up! and away! to Seattle.

While alaska was all about the scenery, seattle was supposed to be all about the people. The people were amazing... I actually got to have camp people and mount holyoke people, and random fascinating strangers all in one room... and then we went and had a bonfire on the beach... a fantastic day... which may have actually been topped by the more low key friday in the arboretum and just chillin at bug's apartment. For a two and a half day low key layover it certainly gave me a lot of food for thought. Flying over washington and driving around seattle felt almost like a homecoming. I love the highways there (random, I know) and the skyline and the ship yards but most especially the Sound and the greenery. could it be that I'll actually end up there for an externship or a year internship or longer? you know that doesn't sound half bad ;)

Anyway, I'd much rather be there than here right now - its hot and humid and gross, and I haven't slept in over 48 hours because my parents decided that my nap-then-move was not an acceptable plan so we moved most of my life to westborough today and the rest is scattered throughout all of east-central massachusetts. I just want it all in ONE PLACE. at the very least I want my car where I am, and not 30 miles away so that I feel completely trapped and dependant.

indeed. whine whine whine.
time for sleep... in emulation of the great alaskan Colleen *bring it on*
watch out sleep... I'm coming to get you!

[extensive pictures to follow on facebook]

... I'm done.

I feel like this whole year I've been holding my breath while running an endurance race... holding my breath because if something went south there was always the possibility that they'd kick me out/make me repeat, and the endurance is self explanitory...

Today I relaxed, and sat in the middle of a field of horses and had nowhere I needed to be and nothing I needed to be doing.

wow.

so I know I shouldn't complain about grades, but... it really sucks when you get a 79.4 in a class where you got a C on the midterm and an A on the final...

silly vet school... only 1 exam left... and I had my last class today. such craziness.

more evidence that life is fantastic... I sent Jen my modified itinerary for alaska/seattle. Her reply:

"Sweeeet!!! And how would you feel about spending a day or two on a glacier at a dog-mushing camp?"

:-D

this may have been the worst year of my life... and yet here I am just days from the end of school and instead of dreading the future, feeling confused and repressed and overwhelmed and underwhelmed and isolated as I did a year ago... I'm really happy, and can hardly wait for the summer and for next year.




also, I have decided that I want a greater swiss mountain dog. Not because I've ever met one, but because I'm being superficial and I like their look (short haired Berner), size (BIG!), and lack of extensive undercoat (less shedding... also Katie promised me they'd make a great truck dog to keep me company when I go ambulatory. Because I'm still years away from getting to have a dog of my own I like dreaming about it, especially during pathology... thus this infatuation started when we were presented with a spinal chord carcinoma from a GSMD and I heard about the breed for the first time, looked it up online, and squeeked.

I love listening to how people talk, to how they process, watching how they move and interact with the world, love seeing the way they dress, and decorate and noticing how they keep their home and organize their planners (or don't organize) and how they drive their cars... how they live. Love collecting all those little details and putting them together into an understanding of them and comparing it to the person I know and saying "yup, that seems about right."

and then I love taking all those same kinds of observations and applying them to animals and coming to the same conclusion.

I don't understand everything, but I like trying

wonder of wonders... I just had a great time talking to my sister...
thank you facebook for band-aiding my tenuous relationship via scrabulous and casual chat

spring peepers are out
:)

I'm loving all the "oh my god, I only have ___ days left of my undergrad life posts". I'm sure I made one two, and goodness knows I felt strange the day I finished my finals and left mount holyoke for senior week... n'er to be a student of 'yoke again. ahhh memories ;) also, you may all have one more day, but I have 17, and wouldn't mind trading... nope, not at all. summer will taste *so* sweet

I love moho alums! My librarian '82 friend was telling me stories about trick-or-treating in college to find out which professors were shacking up with each other... and other professor drama from back in her day...

and yesterday I went to AAEP lunch and dinner talks by a '77 who is now a practice owner equine vet out in rochester... and after actively engaging in both talks (questions etc) and talking to her for about 10 minutes she was asking me for my name and telling me that she'd be looking for me to apply for an externship at her practice in my fourth year and strongly encouraging me to consider and internship with the practice after graduation. All I did was ask questions and make small talk! still, very cool to think that there are possibilities out there.

today I met my summer project horse... his name is Figgy and he's an appy who was crypt orchid until recently and has all of tigger's faults and a history of rearing/striking and biting... and while I saw some of that today, I also saw how much he loves his owner and how herd-bound he is, and how much he is convinced the world is out to get him... a real head case. I'm really looking forward to working with him. I think it will be really good for my residual fear issues, really good for him to have someone who doesn't pick fights but insists on respect, and really good for his owner to have a part in helping her horse become more socially adjusted... also, really good for me because I want so very much to be useful for a horse... there's something so phenomenally satisfying about helping someone learn how to be more happy.

maybe its taking it too far... but my biggest regret in my life is that I wasn't able to give Tigger a life he could love... and with this guy so similar to Tigs, it would be so profoundly satisfying to help him love his. I'm also really glad that I know he has an owner who loves him and wants to work through his issues rather than beat them out of him or send him on his way.

dammit Barbara! focus on your physio! later will come soon enough!

spent yesterday and today at Mount Holyoke... which was simply lovely. In talking to a couple people I realized that in the past 9 months I have changed residences 7 times and done 3 large scale moves... and thus I have not developed a sense of "home" anywhere... and as a result in my heart mount holyoke is still my home. Isn't it odd that college is this exclusive place where it is only allowed to be home for four years before it is impossible to go back and live there the same way ever again?

Anywho, I went knowing I wanted to see the Rooke show and sleep at Sandy and Meghan's but otherwise without plans... and it was wonderful. I wandered around campus, ran into Martha, went to go see Megan, tried to no avail to track down Renae, and spent much of this morning talking with Laurie priest. It is really strange to walk around campus and only recognize 3 of all the women I passed... technically I should be familiar with 3/4 of them... just makes me realize how much my world shrank as I settled in and made deeper connections with fewer people. Not really a bad thing, just interesting. Seeing people I did know was fabulous.

I'm playing with the idea of moving back to the valley after I graduate for an internship/first job... there's definitely agriculture, so there must be vets, and it would be really nice to be in a place I love so very much, with people I love so very much, and possibly even get to squeeze in auditing some classes at mtholyoke... you know that of all the classes I went to as a prospie that convinced me mtholyoke was the place I wanted to be, I took none of them? it would be cool if I could go back and be exposed to the material without the workload.

back in eastern MA with a full plate for the weekend... only four weeks left of school.

EEK! FOUR WEEKS! shit I have so much to do!

today I rode for the first time post-op. it was low key - both I and Milk are quite out of shape, but I'm blown away by how willing and desperate he is to please... all the balance/weight things I learned from my holly lesson were immensely applicable and after I got off I went to walk him by hand and ended up just walking... and he was completely and totally joined up with me without me so much as asking... walk, halt, back, turns, serpentines... and yet never invading my space. He's kinda boring, doesn't push me, doesn't test me, doesn't question me... and maybe boring is what I need right now... my rebound boy to rebuild my trust and comfort level.
Gretchen's suggested that I take him on for the summer and bring him up to berlin. Hilary's suggested something similar. I don't know.. he'd have a better chance of getting adopted if he had people exposure, I could work on some of his neurosis, and he'd be good for practicing and building my dressage skills... the only thing is that I look at his adoring face and have a boatload of guilt and want to tell him I'm just leading him on.

yes, I do personify my relationships with horses. I'm just so hungry for a tigger/lilly relationship and he leaves me less than empty. maybe it will grow... maybe he'll get more animated as we work together.

mmmm.. feeling good. I spent this past friday => sunday up in Cumberland, Maine on an alpaca farm. It amuses me how defensive alpaca farmers are about being dismissed as "not REAL farmers" and yet the hardest work I did all weekend was pick up soggy hay piles (parts still frozen! I <3 Maine) and spent much of the time driving around to other alpaca farms to see their set up and oohing and ahhing over beautiful alpaca fiber and fiber products. My host lady was fantastic - a real alpaca busybody (aka knows everyone, involved at state and national organization levels etc) so was quite informative and eager to help me make contacts and encourage me when I told her I was interested in actually becoming a rural Maine vet. Also, just a really cool woman. We talked farming and family and politics and gardening and weather..

and of course we played with alpacas. I've decided that alpacas are livestock-lite. They are relatively benign (the worst that happened was a couple of bruises and getting slimed once) and while high maintenance if you let things get away from you, relatively easy to watch after if you stay on top of things. And very cute. I'll get pictures up on facebook eventually.

Driving south on the turnpike was interesting... sort of a walk down memory lane - driving with CJ to portland in a blizzard, going up to MDI with Tara, making the treck to Fort Kent with Cindy... Kittery, Kennebunk, Ellsworth, Portsmouth, Boothbay... Maine is a very happy place for me. I'm looking forward to exploring its possibilities more.

so on Tuesday I stayed at school for a movie showing - transamerica, which I had always heard was great and was not dissapointed. I was, however, jealous... of all the kicking back and having of beer. So on the way home I stop into this sketchy minimart/packy and grab a six of sams and go to the checkout counter... I got carded, no biggie, and started digging though my purse for cash after giving the guy my liscense - so it took me a while to realize that he wasn't giving it back. I looked up at him and he's studying it like maybe its a fake (in the picture I have chin length hair, an eyebrow ring, no scar, and more teeth). "Dude" I say "Its really me... I've got my old one from highschool or a credit card if you want a second ID" and hand him the hs one, which he also studies skeptically. "Lot of changes, huh?" he says as he hands them back to me with my change. "Yes. I got a hair cut"

heehee. I am SO amused by the understatement of it all, and the look on his face as I waltzed out the door with my beer was PERFECT. heehee

hee hee hee